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Plane Stamp

So Close…

Posted on 2011.05.20 at 14:51
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: The End - The Doors
There’s a fellow out in California, an 89-year-old white dude named Harold Egbert Camping. I guess that’s kind of redundant; I mean, if your name is Harold Egbert Camping, you pretty much have to be an 89-year-old white dude. Anyway, Mr. Camping has announced that the world will basically end on Saturday, May 21 (there’s more to it after that day, but the 21st is when the heavy stuff starts hitting the fan). That’s tomorrow as I write this, so I sure hope you’re reading this today.

The news of our impending demise has me seriously bummed out. Here’s why: It’s not so much that the world is ending – as a general concept anyway. I mean, I’ve always figured the world would end sometime. It’s just that the world is ending now – when we’re so close to solving so many great historic problems. Man, if we just had a few more months… Consider all the seemingly intractable problems we’re on the verge of banishing right now:

— After decades – no, make that centuries – no, make that millennia of hatred and warfare, I’m told that the Arab and Jewish worlds are finally on the path to peaceful coexistence.

— The city of Chicago has a new mayor, which means that all traces of corruption have been rooted out of our city government and we’re ready to start anew.

— The Hollywood movie industry, after nearly a decade in the doldrums, is poised to resume making quality films with the impending return of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

— There’s a rumor that on an upcoming episode of “Iron Chef”, the theme ingredient was going to be 5-Hour Energy Drink.

— It looked like the Cleveland Indians were for real this year.

— Jennifer Love Hewitt is single and finally ready for a mature relationship with someone who will treat her with the respect she deserves.

— Muscular dystrophy. No, we’re nowhere near curing the disease, but a related ill is nearing a cure – Jerry Lewis has announced that this year will mark his final appearance hosting the Telethon. So any of you who thought you might enjoy leisurely Labor Days in your golden years without the late summer breeze being sullied by the sound of Jerry croaking out “You’ll Never Walk Alone” – well, you’ve just been cheated out of that sweet dream by the Powers That Be.

— This was the year I was finally going to get all of that junk cleared out from the one side of my dining room.

I’m just scratching the surface here. You may have a few additions to the list of your own. All in all, it’s just terrible timing by the Supreme Being. Though if by some chance we are shown mercy, and the End of the World is cancelled at the last minute… well, as you can see, we’re in for a joyous turn in the fortunes of humanity.

Comments:


beth_green
beth_green at 2011-05-21 18:03 (UTC) (Link)
I was all set to help FJ do yardwork today, but with the end of the world upon us, I think my time would be better spent doing something more meaningful, so here I am!

Although someone I work with informed me that if I was still here after today, it meant that I would be sticking around on this Earthly Plane with Satan's minions.[Insert comment about coworkers here]

Here in Michigan, the impending end of the world is bad news indeed. After the NFL draft, Sports Illustrated columnist Kerry J. Byrne stated that the Detroit Lions "Will Contend in 2011." To prove I'm not making this up, the URL is
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2011/writers/kerry_byrne/05/18/lions/

Mind you, some would use Mr. Byrne's statement as more proof the the world must indeed be coming to an end, what with Hell freezing over and all.
beth_green
beth_green at 2011-05-21 20:55 (UTC) (Link)
I wanted to commend you on your list, although much could be said regarding the events being further proof that the Apocalypse is indeed upon us.

-In re: the Arabs vs. Jews: Media reports indicate that while the U.S. has privately disagreed with Israel in the past, this is the first time it has been publicly stated as fact.

-Chicago politics: Hope springs eternal. I seem to recall after Coleman Young was replaced as Mayor of Detroit, similar sentiments were expressed hereabouts regarding the Kwame Kilpatrick administration.

-Ah-nold. Puh-leeze. Your news is certainly better than the latest news reports that are nothing new at all. I checked online, and my memory is correct. Back in 2001, Premiere Magazine published an article entitled, "Arnold the Barbarian." It was *not* an article about movies.

-Just pulled this item from off the net. Roger Fallihee reports, "Because of the rapture, scheduled to begin today at 6:00pm EDT, Major League Baseball has declared that the Cleveland Indians, by virtue of their MLB best record of 27-15, are the 2011 World Series champs. This ends the longest current title drought in the American League."

-Jennifer Love Hewitt: This item must be a guy thing. Skinny-assed actress, right?

Jerry Lewis: He's still alive? Isn't he, like, a hundred years old by now?

Ever since the days of the old upright piano, you have always had stuff. No Chuck junk? Truly, the end is near!
Chuck
charlesofcamden at 2011-05-22 04:04 (UTC) (Link)
Re: Jennifer Love Hewitt - There are two levels to her listing here. On the obvious level, yes, she is an actress who could be described as you have. On a subtler level, it's a nod to my "Tony n' Tina" peeps. It seems that Ms. Hewitt, up until a few weeks ago, was dating a fellow named Alex Beh, whom the press usually described as "actor/director" or "film maker." I'm not aware of Alex's directorial accomplishments, but I well remember working with him in TnT.
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