Chuck (charlesofcamden) wrote,

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Not of This Earth

An interesting tidbit cropped up in the news today – those astronomers searching for life on other planets have not only found life, they’ve found intelligent life!!! I know, right? And what’s more, the aliens have their own Internet! Yes, yes, I was amazed too. After consulting with one of my hacker friends, I managed to tap into an alien news feed and found a very interesting article. Well, it isn’t the article itself that’s so interesting; it’s the comments section that follows the article. While there’s still a lot we don’t know about these creatures, it seems that the regular folks on this alien world aren’t necessarily so different from the regular folks here on Earth. First, a few excerpts from the article:


The Andromeda Council has announced an end to injustice, including, but not limited to, an end to war, poverty, discrimination, and denial of economic and social opportunity… Chairentity Neila stated that, “It will not require threats or punishment to achieve this; it is merely the logical conclusion of all our efforts of the past millennia… While there will inevitably be holdouts, they will come to see the wisdom of this approach… We ask that all voices, both pro and con, be heard in the coming days as peace and justice become the guideposts of our society…”

My first reaction upon reading this was the thought that these creatures are clearly not human, as this approach to enacting societal change is completely incomprehensible in human or even earthly terms. I then moved on to the comments section, where I found, most comfortingly, that their culture and ours do share some philosophical grounds:

[1] “Praises to all who have finalized this process! The only negative is that it didn’t happen 10,000 years ago, but this is a quibble, as time travel technology will soon address that inequity.”

[2] “Anti-violence wimps! The right to suppress and kill those with whom we disagree built this planet. Those who would deny our heritage are wiglas who have traded in their zoggles for fofflats.”

[3] “Really Neila? Are you so ignorant of history? No, I don’t think so. You are well aware that this declaration of yours is a violation of the Treaty Seven Code, but you seek to destroy our most sacred political bedrock in the pursuit of trivial justice. This Code has survived for centuries, resisting far more powerful tyrants than yourself. Injustice may have its downside, but it shall prevail!”

[4] “Amen to Commenter [2]. Chairentity ‘Wigla’ is a zorch lover who should be hung by the jarje and eaten by the Mummak.”

[5] “I told people three years ago that this was where we were headed. They ignored me then and are sobbing in their kipaps today. I would never advocate violence against anyone, least of all a public figure, especially now. I will only say that there would be much rejoicing if Neila – and Ebel, Tofanovi, Soss, and the rest – were found with a frike around their yerbs and their zoggles in a chuchax.”

[6] “Check this out! I’m working from home now making BIG MONEY and you can too!” [link redacted]

[7] “Does anyone have two extra tickets to the Cobacti vs. New Didip game? (sorry to go off-topic but didn’t know where else to ask)”


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