Nancy called me again today. She’d found out more about the audition, and the first song I’d written lacked a key component – it wasn’t written by one of the composers from The List. She read off The List to me and when she got to Andrew Lloyd Webber, I felt the tap of the Muse upon my shoulder. Let me be clear about this – I LOVE Andrew’s work, but his stuff tends to be very ponderous and serious and not too complex intellectually, which makes it perfect fodder for the parodist. By comparison, I think Sondheim is a lot trickier to parody because so much of his work is lyrically satirical or ironic and it’s hard to parody a satire. Oh, it can certainly be done, but I’m looking for ways to make my job easier, not harder. I settled on “The Music of the Night” from Phantom of the Opera. Here it is:
The Same Music Every Night
This is serious, I’m not having fun here.
I will make you cry before we’re done here.
This is not a romp,
Not like “Spamalot” or “Stomp”
It’s a serious freaking musical as Art
So shut up and listen, don’t talk, belch, or fart.
Now surrender your dollars in the lobby shop,
Be amazed at the range of merchandise.
Buy the key chains, the socks, and fuzzy dice,
With a discount if you have seen it twice.
Slowly, gently, it may dawn upon you
How your good friend Andrew Lloyd has conned you.
Wait two scenes and then
I will sing this song again
Or I’ll change a note or two and add a chord
To keep you all from sensing that you’re bored.