Chuck (charlesofcamden) wrote,
Chuck
charlesofcamden

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I heard the news today, oh boy . . .

While watching the news tonight, I saw a report on a man who had snatched his children from his ex-wife and taken off in his car with them. He is still being sought by authorities. It struck me that there are some advertising opportunities there that are going quite unexploited. I have taken the liberty of writing a sample news script that corrects this oversight. Perhaps I should send it to the folks at WGN-TV news and see if they’re ready for a new approach to TV news reporting:

“. . . police gave chase, but the suspect eluded them in his brand new Chrysler Sebring with 4-speed electronically controlled automatic transmission with overdrive and independent multi-link rear suspension. In other news, convicted serial killer Ronald James Leeworth was executed today in Elko, Nevada. His last meal included steak – it’s what’s for dinner – with Green Giant frozen corn and genuine Idaho potatoes. He topped it off with a delicious Sara Lee frozen cheesecake and a smooth El Producto cigar. The lethal injection used to end Leeworth’s life was provided by Merck Pharmaceuticals. Side effects include shortness of breath and cessation of all bodily functions. Do not attempt to drive or operate heavy machinery after lethal injection . . .”
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